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Chasing the God/dess

The Divine Masculine/Feminine Within - The God/dess I AM!



In my lifelong pursuit to heal my divine feminine, I have sought out the Goddess outside of myself, to try to obtain this feminine that I thought I had lost. But of course this was a futile search, since I never lost it in the first place. And I was trying to get it from similarly wounded women, apparently lacking their divine masculine; and in their case, trying to get it from me.

Seeking the masculine or feminine without, manifests similarly wounded people, who aren’t fully present, because they are on their own search to find what they feel they are missing or lacking. Beings who have nothing to give really, or what is given, is conditional upon you providing what they are “lacking”. These beings are unable to give fully or receive fully. Unable to really unconditionally love.

This typical pattern of relationship is mostly focused around conditionally taking and receiving; based on deals and agreements; based upon terms dictated by their lack and feelings of unworthiness. And the typical desire is to not feel the suffering associated with this “unworthiness”. These deals and agreements are based upon helping each other not suffer; but of course, suffering is an illusion, because unworthiness is an illusion, so these agreements are not supportive to liberation and truth.

Partners are unable to give themselves fully to a woman or man because s/he is taking and receiving on his/her terms only. The guarded wounded masculine and feminine within keeps him/her from receiving because he/she feels unworthy to receive love.

Men typically suffer from extreme powerlessness due to an imbalance of the divine masculine and divine feminine, and the lack of allowance of their natural feminine nature. Because of this desire to obtain this feminine which they feel unconsciously to be lacking, they will do whatever women want them to do, as long as they are receiving attention, admiration, sex…, to “prove” their worth and loveability. So women can lead them around like dogs and they'll go anywhere, do anything, especially for sex, because they think they have obtained the goddess and are receiving love. This is also the nature of conquest, to obtain that which they have “lost”. And because women are typically suffering from a wounded masculine, and also suffering from powerlessness, they are willing to engage in this behavior because they then “obtain” a man or men, and can feel powerful, due to this ability to be in control, and contrary to all the times when they have given their power away to men. But of course, this pattern, and the typical pattern that women experience whereby they are incomplete unlovable spinsters without a man, is due to an imbalanced masculine. So similarly, they will do anything for the “right” man, for “perfect Prince Charming”.

These patterns of engagement to manifest these relationships are based on the polarity that a person is apparently lacking from, whether they typically pursue the God or Goddess, or try to attract the God or Goddess. (Other patterns are detailed below in the next section on Nurturance). Naturally, these patterns are fraught with disaster; as you can see by relationships today and through history, because a wounded woman or man has merely captured a wounded male or female. Everyone is chasing the God or the Goddess outside of themselves, rather than recognizing the God and Goddess within. (See the movie, “Chasing Amy”).

In all actuality, this pattern of pursuit or attraction is really a tactic to run away from our true essences. To run away from past suffering; to deny our pain and the truth that we are not missing anything. We are running away from all the rejected unlovable parts of self for some dream, some fantasy of fulfillment. Running away from past traumas of rejection, abandonment, betrayal…; and other people’s judgements of the parts of ourselves that they did not want to look at or honor in themselves, but chose to hate us for it. In turn we rejected those aspects of self and sent them to hell. We are running from those aspects of self, that are integral parts of the God-Goddess wholeness of All-That-Is. It is time to retrieve those aspects that we have thrown away. It is time to nurture these aspects and have compassion for them to accept the God-Goddess within.

God/dess on the Pedestal - (Power Retrieval; Retrieval of Masculine or Feminine; Divine Union of Masculine and Feminine)

Because of these patterns that we have played out over many lifetimes in male and female bodies, of trying to obtain or receive the masculine or feminine (God-Goddess); and from giving our power away time and time again to these pursuits; and subsequent resulting traumas; (and lifetimes of radical imbalances of patriarchies and matriarchies), we have developed two conflicting aspect groups: the God lovers (and subsequent Goddess hater), and the Goddess lovers (and subsequent God hater). These aspects have decided that one is the bees knees and the other is the devil him/herself. One group worships the God or Goddess, the other wants to slay the God or Goddess. This is the pattern that most of humanity suffers from which manifests as addictively pursuing relationships with one sex or another to heal those wounds and somehow come into balance.

It is a Catch 22 situation, because typically people are unconsciously hating what they desire the most from these past lives. We also hate them because of the deals and agreements that we have made to give and receive power and love. We hate them and ourselves, because these deals are ultimately disempowering, so we hate what we have done and who we have done it with; we hate the person who is taking our power, who we have agreed to give it to. This is the same pattern in every single relationship we have with anyone or anything on this planet, including: jobs, governments, corporations, family, friends…. And we especially despise anyone who breaks any of the agreements we have made with, to always act certain ways for us, because then our suffering is stuffed in our faces, and we have to either deal with these illusions or repress them in some new way.

To Heal This: Picture both of these groups together. Ask each group to remember and see that they have each experienced many lifetimes on each polarity of male and female and everything in between; and as heterosexual, homosexuals, and everything in between. Show them that one polarity is not better or worse than the other. Both have played both sides of the “war” for soul growth, experience and karma. Ask each group to forgive the opposite group and all the experiences of being betrayed by that gender polarity, ask them to heal and forgive all of their lifetimes as either polarity. Ask them all to realize they are One. Now ask them all to be placed in Love cocoons; ask for Karmic Absolution for everyone; and for everyone to receive an Angelic Activation (to release any vows and agreements associated with these experiences).

"I AM the God, I AM the Goddess" (Thank you Divine Mother)

This affirmation, (I AM the Goddess), was given to me by the Divine Mother through Qala Serenia, which is healing all the work I have done to get to this point. It is healing all the men and women in my genetic and soul lineage, and all the men and women I have been. It is healing the patterns of: trying to heal my Divine Feminine by being in a "relationship" or relationships; needing to be loved by a woman/women or men (or my mother, father, divine mother, divine father…); needing to help her awaken and become whole; needing to help her heal her divine masculine... You may see similar or additional patterns in yourself, if so, write them down and heal them, then burn the paper. Now finish off with this affirmation. You may emphasize the polarity you most often pursue to try to become whole, but I recommend you do both.

Place your own God-Goddess within upon a pedestal, and honor this God-Goddess that you truly are.

Now stand up and decree:

Divine Masculine I AM! Divine Masculine I AM! Divine Masculine I AM!

Divine Feminine I AM! Divine Feminine I AM! Divine Feminine I AM!

God I AM! God I AM! God I AM!

Goddess I AM! Goddess I AM! Goddess I AM!

God-Goddess I AM ! God-Goddess I AM ! God-Goddess I AM !

God-Goddess _____________(place name here) I AM ! (X3)


God-Goddess Love


This is an excerpt from
“The Ascension Masters Toolkit”

Energy Releasing, Healing, Activation & Manifesting Techniques & Meditations for Co-Creating Higher More Divine Realities & Embodying your Divine Magnificence!

©ZaKaiRan AatKa'Nui SheeHan

This article is copyrighted by ZaKaiRan, but you have my permission to share it through any medium as long as the proper credit line is included and nothing is deleted.

If you would like a shorter version of this article for publication, please let me know.