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Relationship In the New Civilization

(Oneness With All That Is)

(Number 4 in a series about Divine Relationship)



What is the point of relationship? Why bother, it's so full of heartache and mis-communication and dramas and emotional baggage. Why bother, especially when it seems there is more crap then good stuff. What is the reason to be in relationship, really? We know what relationship is not about. It is not about co-dependence. It is not about relying on another person to fulfill you and take away your insecurities etc. etc. So what is it really about?

From my perception relationship is to provide a space to be who you really are, or at least to discover/remember who you really are. But can this actually be done. Another person cannot actually provide this space, you must know who you are within your own sacred space.

So how can we assist each other with this quest? We can allow our mates to have this space for themselves by holding this as a reality in our consciousness and knowing that our partner cannot provide anything for me to know this for myself. Thus relieving our mate from pressure to fulfill us.

So it is really about providing an open space for our partner to be whoever they are in the moment. Not projecting that they should be anything or anyway other than how they are. This is a difficult task when our partner can be projecting onto us that we should be a certain way for them, thus limiting our individual feelings and expression. In this case we must allow their projection. We must provide a space for them to be how they are, no matter how limited or dense we may judge or discern it to be. Out of respect for their personal sovereignty and their perception of reality, we must allow their expression and being.

What else? Are we together for companionship, friendship, love, sex...What's wrong with these things? Are we using these things to feel fulfilled rather than finding that we are fulfillment itself. Are these things merely distractions from your suffering. What's wrong with friendship, companionship, sex - nothing really, only in how you use them.

If we are to find fulfillment within, then why be in relationship at all? Is it just to discover more of yourself via this play ground called relationship? Or is it all right to try to gain fulfillment via another person. You can't really gain it anyway as they really evoke your own fulfillment, so I guess you can try. Maybe it's enough to just have a companion to walk the path with, or at least parts of the path.

I think we make way to big of a deal about this relationship thing, I know I do, yet how can we not when 'everything' is about relationship. "In the world of beingness there is nothing but love, in the world of doingness there is nothing but relationship" Alarius. We are in the world of doingness, so we are in relationship with everything. This does not take the suffering away, but at least it shows us where we have control and where we do not.

This is a key element of course - how much creative control we have within our relationships. Mastery of the elements of the forces at play, where we have knowledge of where we as the ground crew must surrender to uncontrollable elements and Divine Will and where we actually have some control - some free will choice. This is true mastery, knowing where you have control and where you absolutely have none. How our mate is and how they act, we have no control. To impose control in this realm is not recommended. We only want control in the first place, because we feel separate from them, and none of us like to feel separate from our partners, other people in general, and certainly not from all that is. We want to find oneness through another person, this is the 3rd dimensional physicalized search for the spiritual holy grail, the search for something that was never lost - oneness with All That Is.

Oneness contains separation as an integral part of itself. Oneness contains all things and cannot be obtained. Feelings of separation are just feelings, they are not real. We are alone together, and together we are alone. A relationship is not two people becoming one but two people sharing parallel paths. Sometimes these paths cross and sometimes they go separate ways; they may resume their synchronistic nature or not.

We Place too much pressure upon our relationships, pressures and obligations that we cannot possibly fulfill. We are together to compliment each other, not suck energy from each other; we are together to help each other up when we fall, and to provide a shoulder to cry on, to be an unconditionally loving friend to be there during times of feast or famine and sharing the joy of awakening together.

How much do you allow yourself to be loved? Do you shut off your mates love? Create ways to dislike them so that they will reject you and be unable to give their love? Do you sabotage the relationship and self in this way?

We Are Relationship

So what is relationship once again? Giving of oneself, plain and simple. When you give of your true self there is no separation between you, because you are giving of self to self. Everything else that you give in the relationship should be under the umbrella of your God-self. Is that it? Sounds simple and easy, is that all there is to it, could life be so simple? We now have it all figured out. Now the tricky part - practical application, embodying that which you know and are

What is the point in figuring out relationship stuff? Working out the problems of relationship, (communication about conflict, pain and emotional loss) only seems to compound the dramas. Why? Because this emotional / intellectual / psychological exploration places relationship outside of self as if it is some thing. We 'are' relationship and we are 'no thing'. Therefore true relationship is 'no thing'. It is the same stream of consciousness that we all are. The problems of relationship are illusions, they are not you, therefore they cannot be worked out.

So figuring it out is no different to figuring out self. The relationship is not a thing, it is not a thought, an emotion or identity of any kind. That which is a thing in and around the relationship is a manifestation of that which you both are. The relationship itself is a manifestation of that which you each are, a synergetic creation.

All the work to straighten things out, and the constant over identification that the relationship is something or should be something, overlooks the awesomeness of who you 'really' are as individuals and who you 'really' are as a synergy (the higher dimensional vertical aspect of the relationship). Everything that appears in the relationship appears because of this vastness that you both are. You are not this relationship or any relationship, they are your creations, they do not create you. Beautiful or horrible; fantastic or worthless; fun or boring; these are things, they can be produced, lost, thrown away, generated, sought after, but they are not who you are as an individual, not who you are as a synergy, and not who you are as a relationship.

How do you rate your relationship? Still looking for Mr. or Ms. right. Good luck, you're looking for a fantasy, a fulfillment substitute. Be still and do not look to concepts and ideals of relationship as points of reference for who you or your mate is. What your mate does is not who they are. The things that annoy you about them are not who they are. The human dramas you fight about and disagree upon are not who you are. You are not your manifestations, you are not your 'faults', and fears, and insecurities and desires. You are not your joy or your pain, your sex, or your heart felt communication.

And all of the other critiques that we have of our partner and the relationship are nothing, they are not real and nothing to place ones attention on. Critiquing the relationship is a worthless endeavor because the slightest clinging to worthy or unworthy and you are identifying it and your partner as a thing. Perceiving your partner and the relationship as a thing you do not allow the wholeness of being to be present. You do not allow Divinity to exist, therefor you do not allow the truth of the relationship.

So with all of this in mind it seems quite a task to successfully maintain a divine relationship because it requires two people to be Who They Truly Are with each other, and allow each other to be Who They Truly Are. You must be two enlightened people at once, and allow for the self realization of your partner. You must know yourself as a master and know your partner as a master. You must be able to know the truth of your Divinity as well as your partners.

The old fantasy of two becoming one does not allow for the creativity and uniqueness of the individuals within the relationship. That pure consciousness that we are, that divinity that we are, must be allowed within the relationship and be allowed to dance between you and through you. Love must be allowed to flow and change and resonate between you as an expression of Who You Truly Are. Be together as separate points of the same light of All That Is.


Does it feel like your relationships have changed, as if you have a new detachment. As if love is different and passionate desire is gone. It feels like something is missing yet you know truthfully that all is as it should be and everything is fine. Perhaps you've just lost your co-dependent desperation, that desperation to have someone to complete you. This co-dependent desperation was something that has been glamorized and was an integral part of the old romantic, torrid, passionate, sexually stimulating, lust filled, heart wrenching relationship. Now with the detachment present in the new co-creative relationship, this emotional groove 'love' is not present.

The emotional groove was a co-dependent emotional attachment based on satisfying each others insecurities about abandonment or loss of self. The new relationship has a new degree of detachment, a form of spiritual detachment. Which possesses not, knowing that another cannot be possessed, that ownership is an illusion and exclusivity an insecurity illusion of the ego.

This detachment is not a callous physical / emotional expression of - "I don't care because I'm fulfilled within my own beingness". It is true detachment from the basis that none of the problems, and forms, and emotions, and thoughts are my identity. There is much less personalization, everything that happens to you is not necessarily yours and does not determine who you are. You realize that Who You Truly Are is not of the world of form and cannot be touched by anything in the world of form.

Because your new relationship is now with All That Is, your personal relationship is no longer 'personal', but another expression of your relationship with All That Is. It now becomes truly personal based on your personal relationship with All That Is and All That You Are. Your partner truly becomes you, or a mirror of you and an embodiment of All That Is.
Your partners idiosyncrasies can now be seen for what they really are, All That Is expressing itself in individual ways. The universe expressing itself in and through one very specific, creative idiosyncratic being. Perhaps now this individual expression can be seen for what it truly is rather than some annoyance.

Your new relationship has a new focus, a new identity, that of a co-creative partnership. You are no longer concerned about material and emotional insecurities and your partner satisfying them. You no longer 'need' a relationship to fulfill you and make you complete. You are complete in and of yourself and your partner complements you instead of co-dependently creating you. Your identity is not the other person, you are not the relationship, and you are just fine without it, or with it, either way it does not matter.

I know that this seems cold as our egos cry "what about me", but spiritual truth is sometimes cold, filled with fire of purpose and is not usually concerned about emotional and separate sense of self considerations. The personal aspects of us are taken care of within the transpersonal. The personal is now allowed to be truly itself, not tied to illusions of obligation. Our personal aspects no longer have to feel pressured to be certain ways for our partners or to be certain ways for ourselves in order to feel worthy and loved.

True Love

The new relationship has contained within it true love. True love can now be found. True love can be found because it is no longer sought after, but found within, where it always was. This is why true love could never be found from another. If it was found from another it was a temporary thing, based on form, that could be lost or taken away. It was not seen as you but something separate from you.

In the new relationship there is no separation between you because there is no longer an I. Form is no longer something so permanent or something that you are, but merely something you inhabit and co-create through. Now the wonderment of each persons 'personal' expression can finally be allowed and honored. That which was formerly viewed as wrong can now be seen as something divinely perfect, a manifestation of Divinity. All of your shit can now be released because you no longer identify that shit as you. And you can now let go of your judgments of your partner and their shit because you no longer identify them as this shit, you now see the 'Divinity' that 'They Truly Are'.

You may now see the connection between their humanic idiosyncrasies and their true self. That ways of being in this dimension are crystallization's of the divine idiosyncrasies, divine identity and divine function. This is something to support and place your attention on, supporting Who They Truly Are, its full expression and embodiment into this dimension, into that form that All That Is has created for its expression. This is true positive thinking, or positive attention, not based on idealistic manipulation, but based on truth here now in this moment.

This is true manifestation, seeing what is here now and placing your attention on it, not idealistic futuristic visualization or positive thinking based on some future possibility that hopefully it will come true. Masters are masters of manifestation because they see what is here now that was previously hidden from view, and place their attention on it. Illusion is left to its own accord and the truth is seen wholeheartedly with extreme amounts of passionate attention. This is the wonderful paradoxical interplay between the world of form and the world of Spirit, the world of illusion and the world of truth. The world of truth includes the world of illusion but the world of illusion does not necessarily include the world of truth. The world of Spirit includes the world of form, but the world of form generally excludes the world of Spirit.

Be still, walking together, yet apart; 'knowing that you are - All That Is'. That you are individual expressions of the consciousness stream of All That Is, part of the workings of the wonders of the Universe. Know that your partner is truly a reflection of you and you a reflection of them. In truth you are them. Know that there is no separation between you save what you perceive there to be. Know that when you dance with another you dance with self.

Relationship is a quantum consciousness expander. This is why people are so afraid to enter them. Do you want to know yourself quickly, do you want to expand your awareness and consciousness at quantum light speeds? Then join up now; explore the vastness of your beingness faster then you ever thought was possible; get into relationship, join up now!



"You were born together, and together you shall be for evermore.
You shall be together when the white winds of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be space in your togetherness.
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow".

From "The Prophet", by Kahlil Gibran


The Break Up

Thinking of breaking of up? Have you given the gifts that you were supposed to give and did you 'really' receive all that your mate has offered. If not, then quite probably you are not done. Remember you don't leave a relationship because your mate isn't providing you what you need, this is not what relationships are for. You don't leave a relationship because they or you are not doing it well enough. This is projection. Your fulfillment does not come from them. When all the gifts have been given, regardless of whether or not they have been received, then the relationship may be over.

Of course the greatest gift of all is yourself. You are the gift to your mate and to all of humanity. Your presence is enough. The gift we have to offer is our true self, our divine essence, anything else is just icing on the cake. So the greatest joy that we could have is giving of self, naturally, without any regard for 'self ', and of course without any expectations of return. Truly giving of self is giving of your God-self and the joy arises from the feeling of oneness you both feel. The gift of all gifts is that which you truly are
Optimally, all relationships should end un-dramatically. With normal grief of letting go of the past, but with joy that the relationship is complete. We have done all the work necessary, we have done and experienced all we could and we celebrate this completion. Most times although, there are discrepancies about whether the gifts have been received or not, or whether all the gifts have been given. Unless both partners have really mastered being a human and have become practicing experts of communication all the gifts probably haven't been given, or haven't been received - at least the human gifts. Naturally the gift that we all are has already been given just with our presence. Or they are unaware that the gifts have or haven't been given, or even need to be. Regardless, the relationship may be over any way, because it is time to move on, but we may hang on to familiarity, security, sex and affection. Discernment is the key here and we all get better at it as time passes.

Another thing in the relationship break up scenario, is the constant release of old relationships. These relationships are not relationships with other people that I am speaking of but old obsolete relationships within our own consciousness currently playing out within the framework of the relationship we are currently in. The dependent relationship scenarios I have spoken of previously in this and other articles. And many times a full scale official break up is necessary to release these old energies. You may resume the relationship later at a new frequency or not.

There are no victims in this universe, dramas arise from mutually co-dependent relationships, it takes two to be co-dependent. You must both let go of the old forms of relating and embody the truth of your Divinity, the new relationship. If you do not live your individual life from a position of sovereignty you will continue in co-dependent, dramatic, insecure, control oriented relationships.

Each being must have an experience of their own oneness and live that expression. Oneness cannot be done idealistically and conceptually as if it is something you accomplish by some strategy. Oneness is a given of true reality, it is not obtained, and of course it cannot be lost - this is merely a concept of oneness.

Live The New Relationship, Oneness With All That Is!



©ZaKaiRan AatKa'Nui SheeHan

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