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The Gift of Individuality

(Spiritual Relationship Compatibility)

(#9 in the Series about Divine Relationship)



The old paradigm of relationship was built upon compromise as a way to somehow create unity, (an external form, rather than creating it within to manifest without). Ultimately the real agreement, the real compromise, is to help each other deny your wounds of separation, negating and dishonoring your uniqueness and natural biases of your personality. This was all part of the experiment in external reality/separation consciousness. And there was no alternative, since this type of relationship is the agreed upon standard for society, unless you searched for higher awareness, and risked societal excommunication for your alternative thinking. And probably the largest part of this whole scenario is the fact that most individuals have no real true identity or awareness of divine self, only whatever identity and spiritual thoughts they are allowed to have by the social order and religious systems.

The alternative is the acceptance and realization of your Divine Identity as a Unique Expression of All That Is. In relationship, the alternative is the acceptance of your differences as a gift rather than a curse, empowering each other based on this gift of individuality, rather than trying to take this individuality away to try to create false oneness.


This brings up the question of compatibility. We are naturally attracted to individuals that we are compatible with on some level, whose personalities synchronize with us somehow. Ultimately, spiritual relationship compatibility between individuals, boils down to basic intimacy and individual allowance of intimacy in their lives. Also their ability to love and receive love. It is based on how far each person wants to go; how cosmic each person wants to get; how much each person is willing to know self and be self; how much each person is willing to expose themselves and be their magnificence no matter what anyone says or thinks, risking judgement, condemnation, rejection...

Each person has their own pace and rhythm and divine timing of awakening, and the timing of this awakening doesn't always link up and go at similar paces - in fact hardly ever. But this is one of the gifts of individuality; would you really want your partner to be exactly like you? How boring!

Balance is the key; we look for individuals to naturally create balance for ourselves, this is the nature of compatibility. But we are all individuals with our own unique perception and experience of reality, natural biases, essence, function, desires, visions…and often individuals are operating at different levels of spiritual growth and awareness. And because we naturally want to create balance, and have unity in our lives and relationships, we will try many control dramas to accomplish this. (These strategies are part of the old paradigm of external technology, trying to change reality outside of self rather than changing interior reality to manifest exteriorly).

Comparing individuals operating at different levels within relationship: the lower awareness person will often try to bring the higher aware person to their level, either by elevating themselves or de-escalating their partner; by undermining their reality, confidence, and personal power; psychologically, psychically, mentally… The higher awareness person may try to elevate or entrain, or teach, or "enlighten" the other person to his/her higher level, to once again create some form of exterior balance. Both are stemming from wounds of separation, and denial of their own feelings of unworthiness. To avoid these feelings and honoring the paradox of separation and oneness, they manipulate externally to create "oneness".

Both individuals are fooled by their wounds of separation, that our apparent differences are the cause of separation. Our individuality is seen as something wrong and a curse rather than a blessing. We are fooled to think that because we are apparently separate, that we are not one at the same time.

In a wholistic unconditional relationship, (where both individuals are balanced within their own consciousness, and balanced within their own masculine and feminine, and balanced between heaven and earth), both people, regardless of the level they are at, honor each others unique individuality. The "higher" person has honest and true compassion for the journey the "lower" person is on, because s/he has been there and done that, and assists mostly just by being this higher level incarnate. Only guiding them when it is synergetic to do so, when your divine knowing says to and you have been invited by them and their spirit.

The lower aware person has a few choices: see the other person as a gift that will inspire them to really get their life moving and capitalize on this high vibration, or they can feel miserable about themselves because they have so far to go, in comparison to the other person. If they are in any form of unconscious denial, or denying any aspects of themselves that feel unworthy, they will manipulate and control psychically to once again try to "create" an external oneness.

Another pattern of denial is to project a fantasy onto each other that the other person is higher or lower then they actually are. And/or to project a picture of reality, or image of yourself, on to the other person, (using them as a movie screen), that you are operating at a higher or lower level then you actually are, in order to keep that person from them leaving you, or from them seeing you as lesser than or greater than… All from wounds of separation and a desire to maintain the form of the relationship. They will manipulate psychically and seductively to keep you around, and to keep you believing that you actually have intimacy between each other, and commitment, and presence, and great sex and…. You will believe the whole fantasy from your wounds of separation. And the games will continue, they keep trying to convince you that they're really present with you and you will keep trying to change them, to raise them higher, while they are actually trying to lower you. What a tangled web of deception.

The reciprocal pattern of denial is to buy into the image they are projecting to you, that they want you to believe; to believe that this projection is the truth. And it will be backed up by evidence such as them making statements about it. For instance: a lower aware person may project an image that they are equal to you, or even higher to you. They will have evidence to this affect and will say very enlightened spiritual things to convince you, (and may honestly be convinced themselves), in order to maintain the relationship and keep you around. Whatever your deep desires for divine relationship are, they will agree with them and state their desires for the same thing. And these desires may be genuine, but they may not be embodied yet, so they are not real, only idealistic, and unconsciously used to control. You will be deluded by your romantic fantasies of oneness and by the whole image. You both will also do this so that there will be no levels between you, even though there are. The higher person will give his/her power away to appear equal and un-separate. The lower person, coming from a position of powerlessness, will de-inflate you and take your power from you (that you willingly give up) for themselves. They will experience an illusion of being empowered because they have elevated themselves, and you will experience an illusion of empowerment due to manipulating yourself to create a false oneness between you and by helping them. You compromised for a fantasy.

Any other wounds that you may have, you will do a similar pattern of compromise. For instance: sexuality; or desire for family, kids, father/motherhood, (towards kids or partners); desire to be taken care of; desire to take care of another… Any other desires or fantasies of living together, marriage, being together forever, travel, fun..., you will abdicate your sovereignty and give you power away in order to create these things, if you are living from your wounds (denying them). The two of you will make constant psychic agreements to live certain ways to assuage the pain from these wounds, once again to create a false oneness.

Fulfilment Through Relationship

The standard fare for the old codependent/compromisic relationship was to expect and demand a lot from partners, all once again to create some form of external oneness. "If you love me you'll do this for me", or "you'll be that way for me"…We ask our partners to be certain ways so that we can feel complete and fulfilled. We make vows, and agreements, and demands, and if they are fulfilling those agreements, or even if they aren't, we will ask for more agreements, or demand more and more, to further deny our woundedness, to try to create external unity. You choice is either constantly creating more denial, more compromise, more agreements to deny suffering and false external unity, or you stop the whole game and take responsibility for yourself and your own fulfillment, and create real internal unity, that will manifest around you as well.

We have no right to ask for more in a specific relationship, no right to ask for a partner to fulfill any desires. You certainly have the right to ask for more from relationship in general, because it is the natural next step for you and more aligned to divinity, but this is not denial, this is just evolution. If someone is not able to just naturally do that thing or be that way, then your relationship is either no longer synergetic and you need to dissolve the relationship, because the timing of their awakening is no longer synchronis with yours, (and you must be completely surrendered to that person not being able to be that way because they still need to continue at that level for a while), or if the relationship is still synergetic, then both people must be surrendered to the fact that you are at different levels, and not engage in any projection, taking full responsibility for their reality.

Here is an example: you have a partner who does not allow themselves to express emotion, or does not allow themselves to be loved. You have no right to say, "please express yourself", or "please allow yourself to be loved; let me love you". You can compassionately reveal it if they are not aware of it, but you have no right to require in any way that they should somehow be different then how they are. Either they can do it or not. If they can't do it, you'll either have to be patient and non projective and take care of your own insecurities, or leave the relationship.

And either they recognize your mastery in these fields and genuinely ask for your assistance, then you can actually help them, otherwise you are acting from a wound of separation, trying to get them to act in a certain way to create artificial oneness. And you are arrogantly acting from a position of superiority, that emotional expression and self love is the right way, and if they would just get that you two could get it together.

And if you are committed to your further awakening and full presence, if you stay with someone with the inability to be fully present, you are going to try to change them, unless you are very surrendered to there not being very much intimacy between you. In this case your attention must very much be on you, and you must be very realistic about the status of your relationship.

The beauty of having a relationship where two people are at different levels, creates massive growth by revealing your wounds of separation. The folly is not seeing the gift of individuality, of different levels of perceptual awareness, of separation basically. We want others to be just like us, so we won't feel separate from them. The key, of course, is not trying to change the other person for any reason, because any reason is a form of separation: seeing them as lesser than, or greater than, and yourself as greater than or lesser then. Once again it all boils down to the big lie of unworthiness, the core wound for this planet and dimension.

Ultimately we are all at different levels. There is no one that is actually exactly like you, or even remotely like you. Everyone is totally different than you, and at very different stages of awakening. Everyone's perception of reality, of self, other people, of the universe, of All That Is, is completely different to yours.. Even your soul mates, twin flames, are completely different than you. They have had completely different experiences than you and have a completely different essence and function than you.

Even your twin flame does not have the same perception as you, not remotely, not here on any lower dimension, not even on a soul level. You share the same soul, so you have a memory stored in your group soul of all their experiences, and they of yours, but they are not you, and you are not them; any idea otherwise is romantic fantasy, stemming from a desire to heal wounds of separation and karma between you and your twin flame.

Ego Tricks - Servicing the Light /Darkness

Another big trick of the negative ego/darkness/wounded aspects in denial, is to believe in certain instances that you are serving the light when in fact you are completely deluded. For instance: justifying certain actions that are really disrespectful of another person because it serves their spiritual growth, or your own. An example is to be emanating compassion for another's suffering, when you are really emanating pity, which implies they are a victim and powerless. This is a big trap sourcing from your wounded aspects, especially when you are deluded to think you are doing good and divine work, when you are actually dis-empowering yourself or others from your position of false authority, superiority or inferiority.

The negative karmic ego (lost fragments of soul in separation), uses spirituality to get what it wants; all your spiritual beliefs can and will be manipulated by your ego for its desires, to deny its feelings of powerlessness, unworthiness…. People hurt, disrespect, dishonor, abuse... other people because they are protecting their wounds, denying their feelings of being separate from Source. They are denying their suffering the best way they know how; trying to create balance. They do not intend to hurt you, they are just protecting themselves, like a wounded animal.

Realize, nurture, and honor your Divine Essence; your true unique Individuality; your unique Function and Gifts. You are All That Is. You are the entire universe of all creation expressing itself at a single point. Realize that every single person and being in the entire universe is this entire universe expressing itself through them. So they are you expressing yourself as that unique essence. You are indeed every single being, for we are all this one Great Spirit expressing itself in the myriads of possibilities. You are not only the beings, but all other creations as well, the same Great Spirit: the animals, plants, stars, planets, the earth, everything. You are the insect's antenna; you are George Bush (I know this is a tough one to fathom, but...); you are your neighbors left breast.-1; you are me, I am you - we are ONE! We are you, we are me - we are ONE!

I am honored to be you!

ZaKaiRan, one of ONE

1- Thanks Jah Wobble. From his CD "Becoming More Like God".


©ZaKaiRan AatKa'Nui SheeHan

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