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Nurturance, Relationship/Sexuality, Abandonment Healing




A great deal, or all of our desires to be loved, to receive affection and sexuality, and to obtain and maintain relationships; especially the fantasy “to be loved by that special person and treated like we’re the best person on the planet and their one great true love, and live happily ever after” - are due to our un-met nurturance needs as babies and children that we did not receive from our parents. The suffering and abandonment that resulted from this lack of receiving sufficient energetic and tactile sensual support to ground ourselves into this vibration and into these bodies from either or both of our parents, manifests in the majority of the sexual behavior that exists on planet earth. Many psychologists have illuminated this fact.

This lack of receiving nurturance, also increased and is also a result of the already present feeling that we all experienced when we first entered this dimension and these bodies, whereby we had an experience of awe and wonderment at the awesome beauty of this universe and subsequently compared our current dimensionally down-stepped selves, to this magnificence; thusly experiencing feelings of rejection and abandonment from our Spirits, councils, friends, Divine Presence, God, Goddess… And thoughts like “I am unworthy”, “I’m not good enough”, “I am being punished”… I have already spoken of this in regards to the 12 faces of human suffering, all stemming from the big umbrella illusion “I am unworthy”, which encompasses them all.

The inability to nurture children in a holystic divine way is passed down from generation to generation, so everyone is being raised by emotionally crippled parents and family. Everyone has been raised into this human consciousness, into being a physical human with insufficient nurturance and love. If beings had, they would know that they are love and do not need to get love or any other needs met from other people.

The result of un-met nurturance needs and the disconnection from Spirit, manifests in the sexual and relationship orientations and desires of today’s society. The fascination with body image and having a partner/husband/wife/children/family…, is primarily a result of these unmet needs. Not that all of these desires stem solely from these unmet needs, but what primarily motivates 99.99% of all humans today, is a desire to receive the unmet needs that they did not receive from their mother and father, and ultimately from the Divine Mother and Father. You can see this pattern so apparently in how adults still rely upon and clamor for their parents approval and love, to justify their worth.

Sexual orientation and identity are illusions, just as being male and female are ultimately an illusion, (although there is male and female consciousness and existence, but that is another exploration). Most sexual pursuits and orientations are a direct result of these unmet nurturing needs. Every sexual behavior that we are attracted to, is to somehow obtain the physical attention of our mother or father. The old scenario of people marrying their parents is a true basic fact of today’s society. Everyone is unconsciously trying to heal this lack that they experienced as children. And since our parents were similarly treated, and did not have their nurturing needs met as children, they did not know how, nor even had the time or energy, to give us the proper attention.

This is all obvious based on how manipulative and consumer oriented our children and everyone has become. Everyone is trying to get these nurturing needs met through the accumulation of wealth and goods, to feel nurtured. This of course does not work. The accumulation of wealth, goods, and relationships, does not heal the wounds. Even manifesting the “perfect” relationship does not heal the wounds, they can be a catalyst that can help, but the trap that everyone falls into: is putting all their attention on that one person who will hopefully help them cover up all the pain from their past. This is the agreement that is built into marriage and relationships today. This is the relationship matrix, and as soon as you enter a “relationship” with someone, even friendships, this matrix swoops in and you are trapped in it’s web of illusion, (unless you have taken the blue pill, and are living fully outside of the “Matrix”).

Every single bit of your sexual orientation, lustful and relationship pursuits are all direct result of lack of nurturance as a child. They are also a direct result of your sexual “education” that you received from your parents in how they interacted with each other and others on psycho sexual levels. “All sexual behavior is learned behavior. All sexual orientation is a combination of soul choice and learned behavior. The soul choice is made and then the learned behavior is imprinted in the child in order to instruct that orientation”. Which means that every single aspect of your sexuality, sexual identity and relationship orientation up till now, has been a total illusion. Every single act, every single pursuit, has been pure fantasy, to try to get something from someone, to feel loved… Which also means that all of this behavior must be totally scrapped. You must go back to the drawing board, wipe it completely clean with some cosmic cleanser, and start over. You must channel your original knowing and blueprint of divine sexuality and relationship.

The heterosexual male, is typically trying to obtain his nurturing needs from his mother that were unmet, through the pursuit of relationships with women. He also typically did not receive holystic nurturing and honest direction from his father, especially in regards to sexual identity, so he looks to his mother, and later from women, for his sexual identity. He is searching for his maleness and identity as a male, which are nowhere to be found, and he is told what they are supposed to be from women, society, friends, the media, movies..., all fantasies spewed out by similarly wounded people. This “false male” illusion, has manifested all the injustice and “man-ipulation” in today’s society. This is the pursuit of probably every single male on planet earth, regardless of their sexual orientation, and the pursuit for the realization of what being a “real man” is. (Which is ultimately the pursuit of what being a God really is). This is the typical mama’s boy orientation, where he marries a woman who has similar patterns to his mother. But inevitably, there is conflict that ensues in these resulting relationships, because the male is constantly energetically pulling on and demanding that their partner provide the nurturance that he unconsciously feels he is lacking.

“The heterosexual female looks to her mother for her sexual identity and to the father for her nurturing needs”. She is pursuing relationships with men to obtain a feeling of being loved, adored, nurtured…, from a surrogate father, to meet the needs that she missed from him. This is the daddy’s little girl syndrome. And she is happy if she is receiving attention, support, praise, admiration, love, affection, sex…, from this daddy surrogate, or from her actual father. As soon as she is not, she becomes the victim or the shrew to get his attention, positive or negative, it doesn’t matter.

But of course, she will not be able to get these needs met from this or any man, because they typically do not know how to nurture, because they did not get their needs met from their mothers and fathers, and don’t know how to nurture themselves. This is the typical provider male who brings home the bacon, but is worthless in all matters of emotional relating. This typical heterosexual woman is looking to her wounded mother for her sexual identity, but her mother could not and didn’t know how to give it to her. (This is the pattern of mothers living vicariously through the marriages/relationships of her daughters).

Similarly to heterosexual women, homosexual men are generally seeking their sexual identities from their mothers and their nurturing needs from their fathers. So they pursue men sexually and through relationship to try to obtain these unmet nurturing needs. “Their soul is trying to allow the nurturing from the male energy”. Gay men are typically trying to marry their fathers, (that is, if society would allow them to), who do not know how to nurture and did not receive similar nurturance. Whereas, “female homosexuals are trying to get their sexual identity from their father and the nurturing from the mother”.

Everyone has a mixture of homo and hetero sexuality, or rather, everyone operates more or less from patterns of adopting their sexual identity from their father and mother, and trying to obtain nurturing needs from their father and mother. But whatever patterns you or anyone primarily operates from, the opposite orientation does not always typically manifest sexually, as in the example of how hetero males often spend a great deal of time with their mates, doing boy stuff. This is a way to obtain a form of nurturance from their fathers. (This is also the manifestation of homophobia, because these males are afraid of any conscious or unconscious desires to pursue male/male sexual expression to meet their unmet nurturing needs). Similarly, for hetero females, this manifests as clucky mateships, whereby they value the approval of their friends immensely, and often despise men for being unable to give them what they want, (underneath that is the fact that they are angry with their fathers for not being able to provide the nurturance they required).

So these various patterns of relationship and sexuality, are the main pursuit of most everyone on planet earth, all to somehow get something that is unobtainable, once again, to try to avoid and resolve suffering. But relationship, sexuality and other love and nurturance pursuits, including the acquisition of goods, is a band-aid on the wound, that doesn’t help it heal. These wounds must be healed through invocation, forgiveness, karmic absolution and realization. The only release from this constant illusory pursuit of happiness, is through the realization that: You are Love! You are nurturance! You are Divine Sens/Sexuality! You are your own mother and father! And you were never ever disconnected from your Divine Spirit, from God-Goddess, you only believed that you were! This was the illusion that you came here to experience.

Very few people are taught how to love and that ‘they are love!’ People are not taught to recognize and follow the love within their hearts first, rather than the pursuit to obtain unconscious un-met needs. So everyone is going around pursuing survival oriented fixations, rather than allowing love to find it’s own way. We have seen this throughout society and how many cultures have not been concerned with love in regards to marriage. (The arranged and parentally approved marriage). This 3rd world orientation, stems from fear based tribal patterns, where survival is more important then love. Their unmet nurturance patterns manifest in this physically “nurturing” way, whereas the typical first world orientation of today, manifests as the pursuit of relationships that will provide enough physical sexual mental emotional stimulation and feeling, disguised as love, to gratify your desires to make you feel loved, give you a sexual identity and sense of worth to feel powerful and in control of your life.

But once again, it does not work. This is obvious of how relationships/marriages…, inevitably have conflict and collapse when one or the other, or both people fail to meet the requirements demanded by each individual, and to satisfy the agreements made between them, consciously and unconsciously, to give and receive sufficient energy, love, nurturance, support, money…, from the other person.

We do not need energy and love from other people. But until this is fully realized, everyone will continue to function un-holy-stically, and they will continue playing psychic and sexual/relationship games. They will continue to try to gratify desires and obtain energy, love, things…, to try to heal their trauma as children from not receiving sufficient nurturance.

This pursuit is generated directly from a defense mechanism that we have dubbed the “ego”, which is a false identity, created by us to try to integrate the pain experienced as spirits entering a dense world, and later reinforced as babies and children to survive emotionally, and further supported through adolescence and adulthood, to survive the pain of feeling disconnected from love, from God, each other… And this ego has built up walls and landmines and barbed wire all around it to protect it. So the chances of actually healing these wounds that it is protecting are slim and none, especially since they are illusions. These wounds are not real, so there is nothing to heal. This is obvious of how hurt most people are and how this manifests as disfunctional co-dependent relationships, further adding to their nurturing traumas, further adding bricks to the walls and defenses around them.

“Nurturing trauma is simply unmet needs that are not even identified. Gratification of desire is a substitute for unmet needs. It is a blind search to discover what your unmet needs are.” Identifying your nurturing trauma and your primary patterns of suffering, (see section on the “12 Faces of Human Suffering”), are absolutely essential to your liberation from this imprisonment within this false separate oriented identity that you have created. Healing and forgiving these feelings, these illusions that you adopted as being real, is completely integral to the realization of your divine sovereignty as a creative life force, as a Christed Master.

So you must get to the root of your suffering that you experienced when coming to this planet, which has extended throughout your entire life and manifested all of the dramas and traumas, pain and suffering, and even some of the goodness in your life. All of these experiences were opportunities to realize this suffering, to realize that it is an illusion, and become empowered by it. To realize finally, that you are indeed the creator of your reality. And in this case, you must go within, seek out and identify your nurturing traumas that you experienced as a child and how you continue to pursue relationship, sexuality, energetic, physical, mental and emotional “support”, to get these nurturing needs met. Even the manifestation of molestation, rape and other traumatic experiences, were a result of these desires. These were created by your soul for your experience of separation/oneness and ultimately for the healing of your spirit, which has experienced many similar occurrences throughout your many lifetimes.

So what is your favorite pattern of pursuit to deny your suffering? What is your sexual orientation, identity and desires that you use to try to obtain something that you feel you have lost or deserved to experience? What control dramas and energy games do you use to try to attract people, to psychically hook them in, to get people to help you hide and deny your pain and suffering by gratifying your emotional, sexual and “relationship” desires. For your self worth to be validated sexually and emotionally.

We are still trying to prove to ourselves that we deserve to be loved, nurtured, touched, sexed…, through the receipt of these things from another person. To prove to ourselves that we have worth: to others, God, our Spirit, ourselves… To feel good enough. The identities of hetero, homo, everything in between, and every single possible sexually “gratifying” pursuit is all the same pattern. And especially the identities of homo/hetero/andro, sex god/goddess, stud/whore/virgin…, are all a desire to reconnect to the God-Goddess that we truly are. The continuous pursuit to realize the truth of what male and female, masculine and feminine truly is, to balance this polarity, which isn’t really a polarity. One does not exist without the other, they are integral parts of the same creation/God-force.

The desire to heal this split, is really a desire to re-awaken and activate our creative natures, which are male and female, God and Goddess, and the marriage of the two is the creation of the Christ Child. This is the new human that we are all creating within our own selves, through these initiations, experiences and realization through polarity.

These identities of man and woman, and the many possibilities in between, are there for us to realize that we are neither and both, and everything in between. We are not any identity. We are not static objects. We are completely mutable, which is how creation is. We are the creator and the created, this is the connection and marriage of consciousness and form, the God (father) and Goddess (mother) energies. This is once again the creation of the third aspect, the trinity, here in form, the Divine Child. We are all little baby Jesus’s in mangers. This is why he came here and experienced the whole Christ initiation, including embodying the planetary Christ, Lord Maitreya, to show us we are the Christ Children. This child is created through the marriage of you as form/personality with your Soul and Monad (God-Presence). Mother, father, child - respectively.

Once again, the typical pursuit, this denial of suffering of unworthiness, this desire to be loved, is a futile pursuit - no one can make you feel loved. No one can make you feel anything. This would mean that others actually have control over you and you can actually be a victim, which is another grand illusion. Feelings are evoked from experiences with others, but no one actually directly causes you to feel anything. So even giving and receiving love is an illusion, love can be projected and evoked, but love is ultimately felt within.

You must realize and somehow experience the love that you truly are. This means getting anything out of your way that says otherwise. Anything in the ego shield and from aspects of your beingness that say no to love, who are stuck in trauma, unable or refusing to realize and admit their/your true essence of love. Because these aspects are stuck in trauma, they/you are unable to feel and just naturally experience this love. They/you can only feel the illusion, the deal, the energy swapping/stealing/exchanging. You must get to the natural core of your emotional experience, to free up its natural way of feeling and expressing, not directed from trauma, but from divine connection to all life. “But as long as there is nurturing trauma you have no choice over your feelings. As long as there is nurturing trauma and search for sexual identity through gratification, you will never be nurtured or have your sexual identity. You cannot let in the nurturing. You are too involved in a linear struggle, which is in duality. The other person is really your enemy. You have to hook and conquer them in order to be validated or good enough or to have an identity. It does not really work that way”.

Practically every single person’s primary unconscious motivation, is to deny their suffering and gratify their desires - to try to satisfy unmet nurturing needs, and from their search for sexual identity. And practically every energetic action and reaction from these pursuits is done with sexual energy, stemming from the imbalances of their own masculine and feminine natures. Every control drama is accomplished with the use of sexual energy and psychic force. We use our valuable creative life force to try to obtain this futile pursuit, rather than channeling this divine energy for upliftment, awakening, realization, divine creation... This is the plan of the “dark force”, the “matrix”: keep everyone’s sexual/creative-life-force energy focused on the illusion, so that the game of separation and power can continue unabated. And as soon as you begin cultivating your own sexual energy for yourself, and nurture yourself, you then become empowered to be and channel this creative life force energy for the further manifestation of divine creations. You really begin co-creating heaven on earth.

By cultivating this creative life force, by making yourself a capacitor, a generator of charge, you become fully and truly empowered to finally help others, which was everyone’s true intention in the first place, but people do not know how because they do not know how to nurture themselves. Nurture yourself and love yourself first, then you will be able to nurture and love others. Then love and sexuality can become an expression of our own innate creative life force and the love that we are, rather than a pursuit to obtain something or deny something.

This will also dismantle the underlying resistance/enemy/conflict pattern within most relationships which exists from our projections upon each other to act certain ways for us, which is ultimately resisted because everyone really wants to be free to follow their own spirits, not the spirit of their partners. This will finally facilitate divine sexuality, it’s true nature and divine function. There will be no more power games and needs, only divine expression. Why make love? Because the energy is there to do so - no other reason. Then you no longer have any sexual desires, not in the typical sense. No one is seen as a sexual or nurturing object. Everyone is a divine master, a wonderful expression of divinity in a body, and if the energy is there for sexuality to occur, and if you are following your Spirit, and the synergy (synchronistic energy) says, “go for it”, then you do whatever this synergy directs. If this entails getting naked and rubbing pink bits together, then so be it, male, female, dolphin…, it doesn’t matter.

This will also cut the pathway for dimensional sex, where you have sex energetically, but not necessarily typically physically. This is how we make love on the higher dimensions, all the time, with who ever and whenever; (but we never rule out physical interaction either). This type of sexuality is how you create immaculate conceptions, through cosmic sex, the safest sex in the universe. Immaculate conceptions have nothing to do with being a virgin or not, they are conducted energetically, dimensionally, like the couple in the movie “Cocoon” who melded together. This is the sex that Mary had. So she wasn’t a virgin after all, maybe physically, but certainly not energetically. She would have had a huge orgasm to accomplish the creation of that being. Krishna ("Khristna") was created similarly. And interestingly enough, this type of cosmic sex usually or always creates a male body. (Physical immaculate conception is also possible because the female egg contains all the genetic material to make another being, but only female. All that this takes is for the zona pelucida membrane surrounding the female egg to be pricked, and it begins mitosis. The cells instantly begin replicating themselves, but this always creates a body exactly like the mother).

So in the future, or now, depending on where you are in the process, we will only make love with our friends, not our enemies. And of course, friends make the best lovers, because of the depth of their connection with each other, on soul levels, and because they’re vibrating at similar levels, with similar pictures of reality. You are just naturally friends, and naturally attracted to each other, and naturally connected, so sexual expression is just another way of expressing that connection, or the energies that are synergetically passing through you, or that you are channeling. Sexing or not, it doesn’t matter. Regardless, you are always making love, with everything and through everything that you do. You just are a divine lover. Everyone in the whole universe is your lover. You are married to the universe. And often our spirits want us to get naked and combine the physical energies as well as the chakric, auric and light-body energies, so we do it – there’s no reason not to. This always makes the connection stronger. If having sex has weakened the friendship, then there is denial and healing to take place between you. All of my friends, who are very awake, who I have made love with, are the closest of my friendships, there is very little or no crap between us. We are extremely close and could make love again physically or cosmically, or both, any time, if the energy was there to do so.

It is time to heal all of your relationship and sexual trauma. It is time for everyone to cultivate their sexual energies for themselves, for their own awakening and nurturance. This is true Tantric Sex. One, Two or more energized potentized God-forces acting expressing and being One. This is not accomplished through cutting off and denying your sexual energies as many people have futily tried with celibacy. Your soul wants to experience every aspect of this sensual world. This is a marriage of the energies of human, (lower chakras), with the energies of God-Goddess, (higher chakras), the world of pure divine consciousness with the world of form. And the result of this divine marriage is the Christ Child incubating in the womb of the Mother Goddess.

If you deny anything, your soul/spirit will always put it in your face to eventually deal with. And if you repress anything long enough, it will manifest as a very dark aberration. This is obvious by the countless stories of priests and nuns molesting children. They are trying to deny the human aspect of life, by repressing and oppressing sex/sensuality. They are children (in adult bodies) trying to obtain nurturing from children, (their own child), which manifests as dark sexual pursuits. This whole planet is full of wounded children trying to deny and heal their wounds. It is now time for these children to finally start growing up by accepting their true divine nature as the Christ Children, empowered beings of Light and Love. We are sexual/creative beings, plain and simply. This is why there is so much focus on sexuality in society, because it is everything. If you deny your creative essence, it will manifest as sexual pursuit; it will be expressed somehow, even if it is being expressed in a dark manner.

Open and unify your chakras through energy work/play, healing, activation and aligning meditations. Become intimate with your chakras and energies. Become intimate with your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual bodies. Allow sensuality to be an integral part of your life. Allow divine sexuality to be an integral part of your life, even if that means you are not having sex with anyone. Allow your Spirit to guide you and create the perfect situations for your awakening and expression.

We are sensual/sexual creatures. We are love-light masters, and the expression of that love-light is expressed and allowed through sensuality and sexuality, on all levels, physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and dimensional.

Unify your Soul/Spirit/Body/Sexuality/Creative-Life-Force!

Be God-Goddess expressing itself as the Christ that you truly are!

I AM Divine Creation!

I AM Divine Creativity!

I AM a Divine Creator!

God-Goddess I AM!


Blessings on your Journey of Divine Nurturance!

I AM ZaKaiRan

Nurturance Lack, Abandonment, Forgiveness and Healing Decree

By Divine Decree! With the Essence of God-Goddess and the Power of Grace, and my own God-Goddess-Presence, I now forgive my parents and all of my parents through time and space, for not providing me with sufficient and proper guidance and nurturance. And I forgive myself for not providing sufficient and proper guidance and nurturance to any children I have raised in this or any other lifetime, across space time and dimension.

I forgive my Soul, Spirit, Councils, God, Goddess, friends and anyone in this or any other lifetime, across space time and dimension, for energetically or physically abandoning me or rejecting my in any way, or not giving me enough guidance or nurturance. And I forgive myself for energetically or physically abandoning or rejecting my Soul, Spirit, Councils, God, Goddess, friends…, or not giving me them enough guidance or nurturance, in this or any other lifetime, across space time and dimension.

I release and heal all pain and suffering from being abandoned or rejected by anyone, and from abandoning or rejecting anyone.

I release and heal all beliefs that I have ever been abandoned or rejected by anyone, and that I have ever abandoned or rejected anyone.

I release and heal all beliefs that I or anyone has not been sufficiently nurtured, loved, sexed, made love to, cared for…, or needs to be. I release and heal all beliefs that I need nurturance, love, sexuality, affection, support…

I also release and heal all sexual and relationship desires, programs and sexual identity to obtain any form of support, nurturance, love, affection…, to try to prove my worth to myself or others, to prove that I am loveable or loving through this expression.

And I Completely Rescind any and all Vows and Break all Agreements, That I, or anyone else in this body has ever made, (or that any of my Soul extensions, aspect of my beingness, or anyone in my genetic lineage - has ever made), in this or any other lifetime, across space time and dimension, in regards to trauma from experiencing insufficient nurturance, guidance or being abandoned and rejected.

And I Release to the Light, any and all energies, entities, attachments, mechanisms, structures, implants, programs, codes, beliefs, thought-forms, curses, judgments, perceptions or pictures of reality - that have supported or maintained these vows, agreements, beliefs and traumas. And I call upon Archangel Michael to disconnect all cords of attachment to them.

I call upon my Guardian Angels to assist me as I open a Rainbow Bridge, above my head to the Light. See these things moving off to the light, give them all up to God. See the Angels taking them away.

I also ask for St. Germain and the Violet Flame Angels to flood my tunnel with the Violet Flame to clear out all limiting structures and I invoke the Silver Ray of Grace to create a completely new vibration and fresh start in this now moment, without any reference to the past.

And I call to the Karmic Board and all the Lords and Ladies of Karma and I ask for complete Karmic Absolution with anyone and anything related to these beliefs, experiences, vows and agreements... I also ask for my soul extensions and aspects related to these vows and agreements, to be placed in Healing Chambers and Love Cocoons, to be healed and released from their own patterns of denial.


It is done!

This article is an excerpt from my book: “The Ascension Master’s Toolkit”

(The basic information and especially quoted sections on the patterns of ‘unmet nurturing needs’, is courtesy of Archangel Gabriel, from a fabulous article on the “Use of Sexual Energy (The Creative Force)”, through trance channeler, Robert Baker – www.Childrenoflight.com, which is available on my website in the “Cosmic Cookies” section. Immaculate conception information from Drunvalo Melchizedek’s “Secrets of the Flower of Life”, Vol. 2.


©ZaKaiRan AatKa'Nui SheeHan

This article is copyrighted by ZaKaiRan, but you have my permission to share it through any medium as long as the proper credit line is included and nothing is deleted.

If you would like a shorter version of this article for publication, please let me know.