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Passion and Romance
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Illuminating Romantic Illusions
(#11 in the Continuing Exploration and Illumination of Divine Relationship)
by
ZaKaiRan
Polarity and Oneness
What is passion? Typical human passion that we see between individuals, is usually karmically based. This is why it is usually short lived. Attractions between individuals are usually complex based on personal issues of intimacy, past lives together, karmic patterns (generated from past lives of reacting non-lovingly to drastic emotional, physical occurrences, relationships etc.); and programming from society, parents, media supported sexual imagery, sexual territorial imperatives… This passion is generated by exterior stimuli and these programs and agreements or excitement that your life will become fulfilled in some way because of that person.
Real passion comes from Love, not from soul connection, or past life connections, or twin flame connections, or physical connections, or psychic connections… - all of these things generate artificial passion. Two people who are centered, present and authentic together will be passionate towards each other because of this centeredness, because of this balance, because of this love, because they are able to love and be loved equally. And they will be sexually "passionate" with each other when the love dictates this, and no other time.
Couples who still have imbalances, who have attachments to relationship and people being certain ways for them, will have "passion" for each other because of these attachments, because of their co-dependencies. Or more accurately, our personalities generate excitement energy because of some story, or attachment or vibration or pattern… The sexual charge will emanate from polarity rather than balance. True passion emanates from balance. Artificial passion originates from imbalance, from polarity, from two opposing poles magnetically repelled by one another to deny woundedness or attracted to each other to also denying woundedness by creating a false oneness. They are essentially in separation until they come together sexually, then they have created an artificial oneness, a oneness that only exists if they are together, as a couple but mostly because they have sex. Without sex they have no oneness. So if you said to them, no sex for a month, they would freak out because then they would experience separation, the separation that already "exists" between them but is masked by sexually generated oneness.
This is why it is so difficult for people to have real intimate friendships without sex being involved. If you take sex out of many relationships, they would not be as intimate, or they would experience less intimacy. People use sex to generate an external form of intimacy, of oneness. And people use sex often to avoid intimacy, because it appears that since they are having sex regularly (a very intimate act) they are intimate and experience intimacy. But the opposite can be true.
David Deida says that you need a polarity of male and female between two people (regardless of sex) in order to have sexual passion. That you don't need it for love, but you need it for sex. From a typical masculine/feminine polarity perspective, from a typical perception of sex, relationship and separation on planet earth, from typical human passion or heat, this is accurate. But in true reality, from true balance, from real love, this is complete bullshit, and I believe that Barry Long would agree with me, because polarity, resistance, does not generate anything that is real, only the union of polarities creates anything that is real and new.
The problem here is the problem that everyone has with sexuality, they separate it out from the rest of life, it is kept behind closed doors and only let out to titillate us and to be used as a commodity. It is also separated from love, but how can they be separate, only in the world of illusion, control, polarity, and separation are sex and love separate. Only in our fears of intimacy is love and sexuality separated. In true reality they are one in the same, this is why it is called love making, or it should be called love expressing, or love creating.
Personally in my exploration of the illusion of romance and sexual passion, I have determined that the majority of what we call passion or sexuality is really trumped up illusionary fleshed out excitement that has no basis in anything real or divine at all, but is based solely on magnetic polarity, resistance, fantasy images and sexual gratification. Real passion, real sexuality, is based on ecstatic union, in the Soul guided divine passion of the moment, urged on by nothing but love.
Sex and the Fantasy
Sex is not real if it does not emanate and manifest from love. otherwise it is pure fantasy, pure sensual sexual manipulating and mutual pleasure gratification. A kind of co-dependent masturbation, helping each other feel loved, or wanted, or desired, or sexy - all issues of worth. "You are worthy if you have a partner or partners that desire you and want to make love to you". Of course love can also be there with the fantasy, which it often is, so there is a mix in these instances.
So without romance, without your self generated romantic imagery will you still be attracted to each other sexually? You will still have your human desires, but they will be in their proper place of being part of your personality, not your essence. You will not be driven by imagery, or romance, or anything typically human or animal. Your real sexual attraction, and passion will come from love, visual stimulation is not enough to get you really going.
You want true reality, with no illusions, so you will have to weed out the garden to allow the flowers to bloom in the sun light of love. You must be in the moment, truly in the moment, making love to each part of your lover as if it is their very essence itself; there is no where to go, no result, or orgasm, no completion, there is only the journey, only the moment. You follow your spirit, your intuition of what to do, and where to go, and whether you relate sensually and sexually at all. You do not have to make love to provide for intimacy between two people. You do not ever have to touch, this may be what the synergy dictates and if you are lost in the swoon of imagery and passion, you will miss the ecstasy of the real moment for the external pleasures of a self generated fantasy.
Be aware, what is the synergy of the moment? True relationship has no parameters, no dictates, no rules, no descriptions. What are you to really do with this person? If you are patternistically stuck in your visions of what relationship is, your perception of the perfect relationship or perfect lovemaking, or stuck in getting and receiving hot sex, you will surely miss what the synergy really has in store for you, and eventually you will grow unsatisfied with your lover because they may not want to give you what your patterns and attachments dictate they should give.
If you are truly in the moment and following synergy, who knows what will happen? I have had many multidimensional sensual/sexual experiences that were truly ecstatic, and they had nothing to do with any traditional form of sexual stimulation. My article on heartgasms on my website is an example, and cosmic gasms, and ET channeled sexual energies and orgasms that last for an hour, and headgasms…(I've yet to write about a few of these)
Who knows what is possible when you are fully and completely present. Do you want to limit yourself to the same old bump and grind, or do you want multidimensional ecstatic experiences of love?
Making Love Everyday
Every day should be a day for making love, to and with everything and everyone. Making love does not mean sex, you should be able to make love with all of your intimate friends. The intimacy should be as much or almost as much between your friends as your lover. (Of course it is fairly rare to have such a level of intimacy with your friends, as intimate friendships are as hard to come by as partnerships, but still we must be open for the possibility).
Exclusive intimacy directed at one person is not real intimacy, it is an illusion, it is conditional, directed and reserved for one person. Of course this illusion is shattered as soon as one partner fucks someone else, and your exclusive oneness illusion is broken. They've chased after another fantasy because yours has lost its charge. Because newness is an integral part of maintaining the fantasy, the artificially generated passion, no reality can exist, and as soon as reality starts to set in, you must find the new "passionate" connection, the new fantasy.
The new age fantasy is: soul mate, or twin flame, or karmic mate, someone with that heart connection, that passionate charge because of a spiritual connection. But this is no more real than chasing after the old fantasy of pretty face, hot body, financial status... It is no more enlightened, in fact it is probably even less honest, a grand trick of the ego to hook you with your new spiritual ideals and romance.
A soul connection does not a relationship make. And a soul connection does not make a relationship real, not down here on planet earth. Your connection may be real on dimensional levels, but it is not real here yet, especially if you've got karma to clear between you from this "real connection" you've made in other lifetimes. You've got to clear a lot of crap between the two of you and your own personal issues that is evoked by that person in order for that relationship to even be remotely real. Until then it might be even more of a fantasy than the shag you got last week at the disco.
Typical human passion (not the real fire of Spirit) feels adventurous, there is a glamorous pull to pursue this passion, these attractions, these magnetics. It is new and mysterious, mystical - our attraction to magic, but magic is not real, it only exists in the 4th dimension, the world of myth and fantasy. Real creation is not done with magic, but with love, so do not be seduced by the dark side Luke, don't be seduced by magic, be driven by the fire of love, the commitment and passion to be authentically real and divine, not an illusion of divinity.
Do not be seduced by this artificial adventure, the real adventure is love, and if you are willing to be guided by love, if you are willing to surrender to its mysteries, then love will take you on adventures far beyond what you could ever imagine. But realize that as adventures are, often there is danger and hardship along the way, as love prepares your heart and breaks it open to spread it across the universe; as love opens you up completely to accept your wholeness and the wholeness of All That Is.
Do not be deluded along the way by the seductions of passion, by the allure of pleasure. Your negative ego and the ego of the world will try to take some shortcuts and detours to places of wonder, and they will always be glamorous and pleasure filled. So enticing that you could stay there forever, drunk on sexual charge and sensuality, wallowing in images of beauty and glamor, riches and promises, but these pleasures are pale in comparison to true reality, to the ecstasy and pure bliss of the unfoldment of your divine essence, to the revelation of your love and divinity.
Travel the path of realization wisely, be-aware of the darkness masquerading as the light. Stay in your center; stay on the path. It may wind around and go up and down, and go to places you are shocked and amazed that it would. And there will be many guides along the way, some good (light/love), some bad (light/dark). The good ones will always guide you within, and will encourage you to make your own choices. The dark guides will always seduce you very sneakily, so much so that you think you are making your own decision, but in fact you have followed their spirit, not your own. The dark choices will always be sweet and yummy and sensual and sexual, and full of charge and excitement. The light/love choices will not always appear so enticing, often they will appear as the completely wrong choice, totally unexciting. But this is only because there are veils in the way of your divine union, often from the darkness, generated from the world of magic to impair your vision. Light/love never impairs your vision - it lays it on the line for you and what it shows is often not too pretty, but always what is behind all of this, is the utter splendor of your Divine Beingness.
Aspects of Romance
Here is another example of polarity and false passion. Another aspect of the excitement of romance is resistance, breaking out of taboos, and doing what is traditionally thought of to be wrong. Her is an example: the affair, or the fling. Having a sexual encounter with someone when you are in a committed relationship, or dating/sexing people you don't know, or multiple partners. The charge in these situations is part of romance, doing what you're not supposed to do, pursuing an exciting prospect, an attraction that you want to be able to resist, because "you're a good person", and do the "right thing". You're faithful, committed, honorable, trustworthy…, but your negative ego (the unconscious repressed aspects of your beingness) says, "go for it!", this may be "the one", this one's better than the one you've got…
So part of the charge is being "bad", we want to be totally spontaneous without being concerned about the consequences, fucking away, sexily numb, knowing in the back of your mind that this is going to cause some troubles, but you don't really care because it's part of the excitement. Every multiple relationship scenario has this charge to it and this charge is an illusion, it is not real, it is a just a fantasy, just a pursuit, just an adventure. There is pleasure in these encounters, but it is a bitter sweet pleasure, there is no real fulfillment, only heartbreak. Even if you blow off your original partner and this new person is Mr. or Ms. Right, you started this relationship as an illusion and it will take a lot to now make it real. Relationships generally continue from the base that they began, if it starts real, it will more than likely continue to be real, (until the synergy is complete), otherwise it will more than likely be full of illusion.
If you are somewhat spiritually awake you may even pursue, or fall into the swoon of a new "soul connection", thinking and feeling like this must be "the one", or at least your next step in relationship. But do not be deluded by soul connections, a soul connection does not a relationship make. Relationships are developed, intimacy is developed. You could say that intimacy is available immediately, but because we have not yet cleared all the barriers to being completely unconditionally loving and intimate, then it is not. And a new relationship will be initially "divine" and charged with soul connection, but if you are not clear and centered, you will be deluded by this as being something real. A relationship is only real when two people are centered in their beingness, taking full and complete responsibility for their reality, fragmented aspects, manifestations…, and projecting nothing onto each other: no expectations, no demands, no desires…- then it is real! Then it is unconditional Love. Otherwise it will be total fantasy, or some degree between reality and fantasy, depending on how responsible the individuals are.
So in a sense, the reality of a relationship must be developed by two people realizing what is real about it and what is their false projections. Each individual must be aware of their images of what the other person is to them; images of how the relationship is, or could be, or should be; or how they are perceived by the other; how the relationship looks to others; what the partner is to do for you; how they should act… And awareness and release of any expectations, agreements… to co-dependently help each other deny any suffering and wounds you have about separation.
If your life is about breaking these types of agreements, rather than forming them, you will have a real relationship. If your desire is for new and bigger and better and all your fantastic images of the perfect relationship, then that is what you will have - fantasy. Whatever your attention is on, that's what you will get. If you want reality, you will have to be diligent and place you attention on true reality, always being aware of the delusions posing as reality.
You must confront everything immediately in any relationship, right from the start, otherwise you are immediately denying the illusions and giving your power away to maintain some fantasy so the person won't reject you. And you must courageously, openly and realistically look at all the possibilities of a relationship without projecting your wounds upon that person, without any projections of your attachments to a relationship fulfilling you in any way, to filling that gap that you perceive you have.
You must be in the moment, truthfully feeling everything; realistically aware of all energies they might be projecting onto you. Any fantasy's, any movies they might be projecting upon you that are not real and don't accurately describe your individual essence. Openness is the key, open to the mystery, open to clear anything that arises. Open to exposing and being exposed. Making recommendations without any attachment to them following the advice. No resistance.
When beginning a relationship, go slowly. There is a natural pull, especially if you are open to the moment and spontaneity, to immediately have sex; wait, be real and enjoy the real moment. Give yourself time to become acquainted with each other's energy, compassionately, gently. Be focused sensually, rather than sexually. And not just physical senses; psychic senses.... Be intimate, don't flesh out your fantasies - be real!
Romance and the Fantasy
Self Abandonment - Co-dependence - Individuality
Old fashioned passion is really the same as romance. Romance is a charged up illusion. A fantasy projected from your wounds of separation, to deny them. A codependent abandonment of self for an image, a projection, a movie of oneness.
Any dream state projection is romance. You can have romance with anything. It is not just about a desire for Mr. or Ms. Right, it is anything outside of you that will apparently fulfill you: friends, travel, a better life, money… It is prostitution, it is selling your soul to the proverbial devil or some image of greater pleasure; it is creating and worshiping a god outside of your self.
All your attention is on the romantic fantasy, you've abandoned yourself, your individuality for some oneness fantasy. You've given your power away to a foreign god, abandoned self, and you must maintain the false oneness, the "relationship", otherwise you feel abandoned because your own self abandonment is now in your face.
The co-dependence of relationship is when each person has abandoned their own individuality for some trumped up external "creation" of oneness, but since it is an illusion, as soon as your partner in the illusion fucks someone else, you're illusion is severed and you are back to your abandoned self, which you gave away and now have no one to give it to. Your feelings of abandonment from God are now in your face, your feelings of separation from source are now revealed. You're giving your power away to the illusion. Don't make the fantasy your god, whatever you give your power away to is your new golden calf, you give your power of creativity away for it to be the manifestor in your life, rather than you; depending on it to be the joy and fulfilment in your life.
You are dependent on it like a child, and if you are good then this god will provide this fulfillment, if you are bad, than your life is absent from this joy. We typically begin relationships by completely giving our power away to this new god, this new fantasy. It isn't' even really to the other person because they aren't real, they are just part of the romantic fantasy. You don’t see them for what or who they really are. It is giving your power away to a relationship that doesn't even exist.
Sometimes being allowing in relationship is giving your power away, especially if you know better, especially if you know that there is a better way, and you don't make any waves because you don't want to hurt their feelings, or them to reject you, or because you don't feel you have the right to direct the energies in a more divine direction. By trying to maintain peace, you are abdicating your divine authority, you are refuting your knowing. You didn't accept and express your knowing because of fear of appearing controling and manipulative. But who is really being manipulative, you who is guiding from divine knowing, or the person who is controling from ego; you who is desirous of higher reality, or the other that is only desirous of maintaining status quo.
The Fantasy of Forever
(Commitment - Intimacy - Longevity)
You don't have to be together forever, you don't have to be together next week or even tomorrow, you only need to be fully present right now, just in this moment - this is real commitment, this is full intimacy, this is Divine Relationship.
There is no one person to do it with, (this is the twin flame ideal and fantasy). There is no special person that you can miraculously be fully present with, and have the perfect relationship with. You have to do it with whoever has the ability to be fully present with themselves. There is no special person; you cannot wait; this is co-dependence; depending on another person to be right, to be the right one to do it with before you will commit to full presence, before you will commit to Divine Union. How will you know anyway?, they may talk the talk, but not walk the walk. They may put on a good show, but when it's all said and done, they might be lacking considerably in the full presence department. You must be real and fully present to know whether your partner is fully present or not, if not, it doesn't matter because you are. Otherwise you're holding out for Mr. or Ms. Right to be truly intimate, to be truly present, to truly be committed to the ever expanding moment. So in truth, if you're holding out for anything then you're not really doing it, you're not fully present now, with anyone, because you've got to be fully present with everyone, but first of all with yourself. You can't wait for the "right one" that you can trust or have faith in. Trust in what? Faith in what? - that they can do it too, what if they're waiting for you to get it together.
This is exclusive intimacy, exclusive oneness, "I'll only be truly intimate with the right person". How will you know when this "right" person comes along, to finally commit? Is it the one who will never hurt you, never abandon you? What conditions do you have that must be met before you will surrender to the intimate imperatives of the moment.
Now of course, greater intimacy is available with people who have a reciprocal level of consciousness, awareness and commitment to taking responsibility for their reality and divinity, but you can't wait for these people either, they will make it easier, but you will always be at a different level than lovers and friends, this is the gift of individuality, not the curse of separation.
Ultimately you must be fully committed to full presence, to constant surrender and awareness of the real moment with yourself. Then the same commitment is naturally extended into your relationships, to doing it fully with others, if possible. So you start with one person, then when you can really do it with one other, then you can branch out to another, and another, and another…, at least with as many people that are willing to go there and do it with you. They may often fail, but this does not matter as long as they learn from their "mistakes". If they do not and refuse to move forward, then you will have to "abandon" them physically (not spiritually). They remain in your heart and you continue to commune with them on higher levels, but you must now limit your physical/psychic interactions.
Be a solid tree, roots fully grounded in the earth, branches fully extended up to your cosmic gamily, and out to your human family. Be romantically passionate about your own self, your own essence, your mission, your divine function… Be Divine Passion - Compassion. Be com-passionate about encouraging the magnificence of yourself and others and Co-Create Heaven on Earth.
Yours in Divine Passion
I Am ZaKaiRan
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This article is copyrighted by ZaKaiRan, but you have my permission to share it through any medium as long as the proper credit line is included and nothing is deleted. If you would like a shorter version of this article for publication, please let me know. |